Care of Magical Creatures
by LMG
Summary: Harry Potter, the Care of Magical Creatures Professor at Hogwarts', was in love with Draco Malfoy. But he would never tell the man that. What happens when that option was taken away from him? H/D -NEW CHAPTER UPDATED ON OCT 23, 2010
1. Chapter 1

Thank you to my BETA: Malombra. She has not gotten her hands on this one yet, so all mistakes are mine.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co. belong to JKR. I am not JKR. Therefore, Harry Potter and Co. are just here for me to play with. And I do so love to play…

Pairing: Harry/Draco so this is SLASH. No MPREG in this story.

Summary: Harry Potter, the Care of Magical Creatures Professor at Hogwarts', was in love with Draco Malfoy. But he would never tell the man that. What happens when that option was taken away from him?

**MY STORY IS AU.**

ENJOY!

**Care of Magical Creatures**

Have you ever seen a unicorn in the woods? Have you ever seen a merman in the water? Have you ever seen a vampire at night? Well I have, my name is Harry Potter and I am a Care of Magical Creatures Professor for the biggest magic school in the English Isles, Hogwarts. It hasn't always been a piece of cake, most times it was painful and humiliating. But I stuck to it and I did something no one thought I could do, well, besides killing that is.

Truthfully my fascination with magical creatures was all Hagrid's fault. He was the first person who was ever nice to me. I looked up to him, not only because he was a half-giant and was 5 feet taller than me, but because he was a great man, a kind man, and he will be missed by me for the rest of my life. Was he a good Care of Magical Creatures teacher? Hardly. But he introduced us to creatures that I never would have thought existed.

And that was my downfall.

In trying to learn as much as I could to protect myself in his class (I mean, come on, who brings a blast ended skwert in front of a bunch of 12 to 13 year olds?), I had to do it if only to survive his class. And then I myself became fascinated with any magical creature that I could find information on.

The year after I vanquished Voldemort for the last, and final, time I entered the Wizarding Secondary University in Wales and majored in Care of Magical Creatures. The next four years were the best I had ever had. I couldn't believe my life. No one wanted me dead. I had friends that knew me, the real me, and I had realized my obsession with the biggest git I had ever met meant more than just wanting to know what he might be up too.

Unfortunately for me, he had been transferred by his parents to Durmstrang at the beginning of sixth year. I hadn't seen him since. I knew he was alive and the rumor mill said he had decided to stay at Durmstrang and teach Potions there. No surprise really, it had always been his best subject, Snape withstanding.

I did miss him though. Every night when I was alone in my bed my thoughts would drift to him and my longing grew to such heights that I always cried after I came down from the pleasurable height my orgasm took me. I knew it was pathetic of me to feel this way for someone who had hated me and had not seen in years. But that was my life now. Work, school, loneliness.

It had become a routine that I knew made my friends sad but they never brought it up anymore. Ron had tried and the resulting fight had us not speaking to each other for two weeks. My best friend had come back with understanding (from Hermione) and apology (directly from his heart) and we had made up. Ron hardly ever said anything about it anymore but he still watched me with a careful eye. His remark that he was afraid that I would do something drastic still hung between us. My reply was that just because my love wasn't returned didn't mean I was going to do something that stupid. I had lived with it for years and could live with it forever if needed. That didn't mean my life was over just that my heart belonged to someone who would never know. I wasn't the first man this had happened too and I wouldn't be the last. Ron had nodded and we hadn't spoken of it since.

I still had a full life. Just because I was alone didn't mean I didn't go out with my friends or do things. I just did it alone. It didn't matter to me that I was the only one without a significant other, I was content.

I was until the one man I never thought I would meet again came to teach at the same school as me. The morning I walked into the Great Hall for breakfast was the morning my careful existence came crashing down around my ears. I didn't remember the announcement of his post as the Potions Professor and new Head of Slytherin, all I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears.

The rest of the day was a blur to me. That night I skipped dinner to spend the night in my room trying, and failing, to get my emotions under control. It wouldn't do to act like a love sick teenager, I'd never live it down. I was an adult and I could act like one. In the morning. Right now, I was going to get as drunk as I could and pass out in my own vomit. It was a plan.

As plans go I knew it was a bad one but since I couldn't do what I wanted to do, I'd end up in Azkaban for sure, I would stick with this one. By my fifth glass I was toasting my luck and by my eight I was scrambling to the bathroom. With accordance to my plan, I didn't make it and the last thing I remembered was the ground rushing up to meet my face and the last thing I had eaten rushing up and out of my mouth. Not surprisingly they both met the floor at the same time.

I woke up the next morning with a massive headache and with a taste in my mouth that made me want to vomit all over again. The smell and the position of my face _ON _the smell didn't help either.

A wave of my wand got rid of the vomit spattered on the floor and another wave had the air smelling as fresh as a spring day. I wandered to the bathroom where I knew a shower and a hangover potion were waiting for me. As I exited the bathroom there was a loud knock on the door. Tightening the towel around my still too skinny waist, I opened my door to the person I had actually thought would have shown up last night - Hermione. It wasn't until I saw the worry in her eyes did I remember the wards I had set last night.

"You okay?" Hermione asked gently.

I nodded and stepped back to let her in. A sound made me turn back and look into the hallway. Draco Malfoy was standing in the doorway of the room right across from mine. And he had just seen a near naked Harry Potter letting Hermione Weasley into his room. All I could hope for was that the horror I was feeling didn't show on my face.

"Harry?" Hermione called out from behind me and all I could do was nod at the other man and close my door. The look on my face must have been bad because all Hermione did was hug me tightly and say sadly, "oh, Harry, I am sorry."

"It's okay, Hermione, really." I tried to say it gently but I was never very good at that kind of thing.

"It's not Harry, I can tell."

"It's not now but it will be, Hermione." I pulled back as far as her arms would let me and gave a rueful smile. "I've survived worse."

"Umm…Harry, what are you talking about?" My best friend pulled back further so that she could look into my eyes. I saw her confusion and knew I was reflecting it.

"Malfoy."

"What about Malfoy?"

I looked at her as my confusion grew. "You're not here because Malfoy is the new Potion's Professor?"

Hermione shook her head sadly, "no, Harry, I'm not. But I feel for you about that. I'm here because of Ron."

"What's wrong with Ron?"

"Harry….he's…he's in St. Mungo's."

"What happened?" I was shocked.

"We think he was poisoned."

"Poisoned… what!"

"We think it was Gawain."

"Gawain Robards? The Head of the Aurors, Gawain Robards?" Now I was shocked and confused. What the hell had Ron gotten himself into?

"Yes, Ron was trailing him."

"Robards was the one suspected of the poisoning at the Orphanage then." It wasn't a question, I knew what case Ron had last been working on. Needless to say I was shocked no more. Damn it! I knew I should have helped him with this one. But I hadn't wanted that life, no matter if I had happened to be good at it. I should have been there to help my best friend!

Hermione nodded her head.

"And you think he poisoned Ron because he was on to him?"

Hermione nodded her head again.

"Do you know which poison it was?"

Hermione shook her head no.

"Fuck!"

Hermione giggled and then hugged me tightly again. "The Healers think he will be okay. They identified the poison that was used, it was the same one used at the Orphanage so they tried the antidote for that one first and it worked. I came to see if you wanted to come to dinner tonight. Ron will be out by noon but Kingsley is making him take leave. He won't have to go back until Monday. We thought you would like to spend the weekend with us."

"You're sure he is fine?"

"He'll be fine. Just weak and sore for a few days."

"Merlin! Ron on bed rest. No wonder you want reinforcements."

We laughed together and I said I would be at their house by five. I just waved her on when I could tell by her face that she wanted to bring up the Draco thing. I didn't want to talk about it. I knew they would both be hounding me with questions sooner than I was willing to answer any. But they were good friends and wanted what was best for me. Even if it was 'that albino git, Malfoy' as Ron likes to call him. Sighing deeply I moved to get dressed just now realizing I had had that entire conversation with Hermione in a towel!

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I spent lunch in my room knowing I was being a coward but I kept telling myself I wasn't. Telling yourself you are not a coward when you firmly believe you are one makes for horrible indigestion. Or so I kept telling myself that that was the reason my stomach felt all wonky. I told myself, repeatedly, that I would go to the Great Hall for breakfast on Monday, giving myself three more days to come to terms.

Do you know how hard it is to convince yourself of something when you know damn well you are lying to yourself? Pretty damn hard I'll tell you.

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Another one that I started. This did NOT get sent to my BETA, my one-shots rarely do. However, as it was pointed out there were some mistakes, I offer this re-post. I fixed some other things I found wrong as well. That's what you get when you want to post something before it has been gone over with a fine tooth comb. My apologies.

ENJOY!

LMG


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to my BETA: Malombra.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co. belong to JKR. I am not JKR. Therefore, Harry Potter and Co. are just here for me to play with. And I do so love to play…

Pairing: Harry/Draco so this is SLASH. No MPREG in this story.

Summary: Harry Potter, the Care of Magical Creatures Professor at Hogwarts', was in love with Draco Malfoy. But he would never tell the man that. What happens when that option was taken away from him?

**MY STORY IS AU.**

ENJOY!

**Care of Magical Creatures**

Chapter Two

Ron looked like shit. There was bruising all over him where the Healers had to touch him in order to heal him. I tried to hide my shock at what he looked like but I new I didn't do it very well.

Ron stood slowly but didn't take the hand I held out to him. "Sorry, can't. The Healers said to be careful about touch. Side effect of the poison is that it causes bruising whenever I am touched. Come Sunday night, I might have to take a few more days off."

Ron grinned the grin of a man who had lengthy plans with his wife on the night in question at me. I laughed in delight. Hermione's face flared red and I could tell she wanted to smack her husband as she had instinctually raised her hand to where it was inches from the back of his head fortunately she pulled it back sharply and had to settle for a scandalized 'Ron!'

"You going to be okay, mate?" I interrupted quickly to avoid my best mate from future harm.

"Yeah. Hurts though." Ron was trying to hide how much he was hurting from me, I could tell.

I nodded and glanced away not knowing how to comfort him. A pat on the back or a hit on the arm usually did it for us but that was out of the question for right now. I saw the look they exchanged from the corner of me eye and sighed. I hated it that they knew each other so well that they could exchange entire conversations with just one look. A deep part of myself knew it was jealousy as I wanted that with someone too. Now, he questions would start soon.

"Would you like some tea, Harry?" Hermione's voice was too tight sounding to be real, something was up.

"Please." When Hermione left the room I immediately walked to my best friend and leaned as close to him as I could without touching him.

"Robards?" I saw him nod without hesitation.

"Where?" Seeing him hesitate to tell me upset me greatly.

Just because I didn't follow him into the Auror's didn't mean I had forgotten anythingI had learned. I just pointed it into a different outlet. "Please."

Ron sighed deeply. "A Manor outside of Paris. We tracked him there but before the raid started we were all knocked unconscious. When we woke he was gone but by then it was too late and the search was called off to get me to St. Mungo's."

"And now?"

The flash of anger that coursed through me when he hesitated this time was not unexpected but I hadn't realized it would be this much. "He was spotted outside of Hogsmead early this morning."

"What!" I pulled back into a standing position from shock and then exploded. That man was near the castle! The castle where there were over a thousand kids in it right this very minute! I wasn't there to cover the grounds and my wards would hold for only a certain amount of time without me there to funnel magic into them. And then a nasty thought occurred to me and I couldn't stop myself from hissing, literally _hissing!_, at my best friend.

"That's why I am here isn't it? Not because you wanted to see me but to get me out of the Castle. You think I can't take care of myself anymore." It wasn't a question so much as a furious statement. I tried very, _very_ hard to pull my anger back into check but could tell by the fleeting emotion on Ron's face that I had not succeeded.

"No, Harry, that isn't it." Hermione's soft voice from behind me made me stiffen in anger. The soft clink as she set the tea tray down made me want to snarl at her too.

"It isn't?" I did snarl. I couldn't help it. They thought I had gone soft. They thought I couldn't take care of myself. Just because I didn't want to kill anymore? Just because I worked with animals now instead crazy deranged criminals and kiss-my-ass partners instead of running after bad guys? Have they not _seen _some of the animals I worked with? I tried extremely hard to stop the anger and hurt from building but knew that it wasn't going to work.

"No, Harry. He was after you." Hermione kept her voice on the same even keel. It didn't calm me.

"So, you left a Castle full of children for him instead?" I whirled to face her. I knew my anger would be clear now but also my hurt and my fear for the children I wasn't there to protect.

"Of course not, Harry." Ron said matter of fact voice but you could still hear the amusement. "We left a Castle full of Teachers, Auror's, and _locked_ dormitories full of children."

I felt the anger flee just as quickly as it had risen leaving my head spinning and my face even redder. I slumped into the chair I always sit in when I visited my friends unable to respond with anything but a sheepish, "oh."

"Tea?" Hermione asked with a quirk to her lips.

I stared at my best friend in shock. Her grin was certainly big and the twinkle in her eye annoying but I reflexively took the cup and saucer from her anyway. After a few tense seconds the silence in the room was broken by Ron as he snickered. Seconds later he started to laugh. Hermione joined him after a failed attempt to cover her laughter up. I tried to keep the scowl on my face to show them how funny I thought it was but I had never been good at it.

Soon all three of us were laughing and the tension fled before that happy sound.

I was still pissed at them though.

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When the owl came to let Ron know that Robards had been captured we all breathed a sigh of relief. I quickly stood so that I could get back to the castle when Hermione stopped me with a gentle hand on my arm. I didn't like the look on her face and I knew with a sinking heart what was coming next. I could have shaken it off and left anyway but she can be a very scary witch if you get on her bad side. So, I slowly sat back down and kept my gaze on my shoes. I dreaded this conversation.

"So, Malfoy is at Hogwarts?"

I nodded my head.

"Potions?"

Nod.

"Head of Slytherin?"

Nod.

"Still a git?"

Interrupted nod, then a slow shrug of shoulders.

"Harry?" Hermione's voice was soft and closer than it was a second ago.

I looked up to see her kneeling in front of me. "You okay?"

I smiled wryly at her, "I will be."

She patted my knee and then gave me a swift kiss on the forehead. Her usual consoling techniques that I would never, ever tell her worked better than anything else in the world ever would.

Ron snorted. "Have you even talked to him?"

"No." I glared at him.

"Why not?" The challenge in Ron's voice and on his face made me so angry that I jumped up and moved away from both of them careful not to hurt Hermione.

"None of your business, Ron."

"None of my business? Of course it is, you're my best friend!"

"Then just be my friend Ron!"

Ron rocked back in his chair as if I had hit him and his face flushed an even darker red. "Excuse me!"

I ran a shaking hand through my messy hair and glared beseechingly at my best friend. "Stop it, all right. I can't deal with this right now. I don't want to deal with this right now, maybe ever. Okay? Just stop."

Before waiting for a reply I apparated out of their house and to the far edge of the Forbidden Forrest where I had set up a small one room cottage. I usually spent time there during the Holidays and the Summer and this would be the first time I had come here when school was in session. No one knew the coordinates of this place, even my best friends, and I had warded it against any kind of owl, hawk, or house-elf. The floo connection was also shut off. I went to the small bathroom and got ready for bed. I stared at myself in the dim bathroom mirror not liking the haunted look I could see in my eyes. This was going to be a long stay.

Fucking, _fucking_ hell.

Before leaving I took a large gulp of the sleeping potion I had stored there the last time I was here and made my way over to the hidden bed. One swish of my hand and the bed was down and seconds later I was asleep curled up in the blankets I had taken from my dormitory in the Gryffindor Tower those many years ago.

I didn't want to think. I _needed_ not to think.

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I do hope you all like this chapter. I had a significant plot bunny that I hope works out well with the story line I had already worked out.

Does anyone know what FanBox is?

ENJOY!

LMG


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you to my BETA: Malombra.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co. belong to JKR. I am not JKR. Therefore, Harry Potter and Co. are just here for me to play with. And I do so love to play…

Pairing: Harry/Draco so this is SLASH. No MPREG in this story.

Summary: Harry Potter, the Care of Magical Creatures Professor at Hogwarts', was in love with Draco Malfoy. But he would never tell the man that. What happens when that option was taken away from him?

**MY STORY IS AU.**

ENJOY!

**Care of Magical Creatures**

Chapter Three

I spent the next day doing nothing. I read a little, walked some, and ate a few pieces of toast. It was boring but peaceful. It was just what I needed. When it started to get dark I cleaned the house and then apperated to right outside the gates of Hogwarts. Before I could open the gates to walk through a small note appeared in front of me hovering and glowing so that I could not miss it. Hermione I knew.

I tried to walk pass the note but the second I tried it the note swerved towards my head and kept hitting me in the back of the head until I grabbed it and ripped it open with a loud groan.

_Ron's in St. Mungo's. It does not look good. Please come, Herm_

My knees felt weak as I read what it said. I hurried towards my room so that I could change my clothes and to let the Headmaster know I would not be in class in the morning. The floo call to the Headmaster took thirty seconds and the shower and change of clothes took fifteen.

As I turned to ward my door the door behind me opened and I swung around to see my secret crush standing there. I flinched at the look in his eyes. I knew he was fully aware that Hermione and Ron were married. It had been all over the papers that I was the best man. I could tell the other man desperately wanted to say something about what he had thought he had seen.

After a few tense seconds the other man only nodded and stepped away from his door. I watched as the beautiful man shifted the books he was carrying to one arm so that he could lock his door with his wand. I just happened to glance down at the books and saw the third year Potion's text. Then it hit me like a lightening bolt. Potions! Poisons! Malfoy could help Ron!

"Come with me." I blurted out and then wanted to hit my head against the wall. The first words I say to him in six years and I was demanding something from him.

"I think not, Potter." His voice had lost the sharp edge that I had remembered. It now sounded closer to Snape's classroom voice. Soft and silky but also with an edge of command to it.

"Ron's been poisoned." Damn, another stupid statement. He probably already knew that.

A raised eyebrow was all the reply he gave.

"Please, he…I need your help. He's back at St. Mungo's."

I watched as the other man clearly fought with himself. I knew there was no love lost between the two men but I also knew that Mal-Draco had been taught by Snape, and _he_ had been the best Potion's Master since Merlin. I quickly stuttered out his symptoms hoping that it would interest him and he would come with me to the hospital. _'That's not the only place I want him to come with me'._

I could tell to the second when he made up his mind to go with me but I waited for his nod. "Follow me, the Headmaster has agreed to let me use the floo in his office."

Draco made the universal gesture that meant for me to go first and he would follow me. I lead the way to the Headmaster's office with a pleased smile on my face that I knew he couldn't see. All the while wishing I could get the beautiful man behind me to follow me to my room and to my bed where I would never let him go. But I knew that my thinking was pure fantasy so I forcefully pushed those thoughts aside and concentrated on thoughts of my best friend and hoped that I wasn't too late.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Draco was the professional that I had always thought that he was. The second we walked into Ron's room together he took charge and demanded answers to the questions he snapped out to the team of Healers by Ron's bedside. He even calmed Hermione's fears and that made my heart almost burst inside my chest. I stood in the corner of Ron's room and just watched.

I absorbed everything that I could about him fearing I would not get another chance to observe him so closely. The way the rooms lighting made his hair shine. The intelligence shining in his bright blue eyes. The long, lean limbs sheathed in expensive velvet. The respect that the Healers showed him made me proud of what he had accomplished. His easy smile and gentle manner were so different from what I had seen from him before that I was in awe of him.

And to think I had only said about 100 words to him in six years.

I watched as Draco leaned over Hermione and spoke softly to her. I saw him send a quick glance my way and wondered what they were talking about. I would not go over there though. For years I had a fantasy of Draco Malfoy and I didn't want to know if that fantasy was better or worse than the reality. And for me, right now, reality was a big fat nothing, zero… basically it sucked. And not in the good way a lonely gay man wanted either. I think that would be the thing to finally break me.

A moan from the bed had my attention and I strode quickly to where Ron was laid out on the bed.

"Hey, mate." I whispered as I gathered his cold hand in mine. I tried to smile but I could tell from his grimace that it didn't come out like I wanted. "Okay?"

"Not really." Ron's voice was gruff and filled with pain. I grabbed the cloth from his bedside table and wiped the blood from the side of his mouth. The poison was killing him slowly and painfully. And I was helpless. It was a feeling I hadn't felt in years and I remembered how much I hated it.

I felt rather than heard someone come to stand close behind me. I instinctively knew it was not Hermione or one of the other Healers. It had to be Draco.

Ron's quiet "Ferret," confirmed my suspicion.

Draco snorted behind me, "yeah, you'll be just fine."

I felt the relief course through me and I couldn't help myself. I leaned back enough that I could feel the heat radiating from him and I smiled up at him. "Thank you."

A blush flooded his face and he took a small step back. "You're welcome." He grinned. "Both of you."

I watched with a sadness I had never felt before as he turned and walked back to the Healers. He must have been giving instructions because one of them was writing things down and the other was asking questions. I had to force my eyes away from the beautiful man before me. I felt my eyes sting and my whole body suddenly felt heavy. The small hurtful sound escaped me before I could stop it. I avoided the sharp gaze from Ron and went to the window. I didn't see a thing. Instead I stood there and fought my body. I refused to break down.

I hadn't hated my life in a long time but the self loathing I felt right now was worse than when I was fighting for my life on a daily basis. A hand on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts and I turned to see Hermione standing behind me. I smiled softly and she reached to hug me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Draco glaring at us. I could tell what he was thinking. _'How could we do this in front of Ron?'_

I didn't blame him. I knew what he had seen and if I had seen it I would have thought the same thing. I pulled back from Hermione before she could hug me and gave a small shake of my head at her questioning look. "He thinks we are having an affair. He saw you Thursday morning. His room is across from mine." Small sentences were good. Merlin! I was pathetic.

"Oh, Harry." I couldn't stand the sympathy in her eyes.

One shoulder moved up as I shrugged. "Doesn't matter. I just want Ron well."

"And he will be. Draco identified the right antidote and now he is giving them instructions on how to brew it."

"No, right now he is glaring us into hell, Hermione."

"What?" Hermione turned to see that I was right. Draco was glaring coldly at us and I could see his derision clearly. Maybe it was better that he hate me. Then I wouldn't have to think about what might have been.

"I need to go. I think I am only making things worse. Let me know when Ron is better." I moved to walk around her but she stopped me. I just shook my head at her and tried to offer her a smile. I knew I failed.

"Harry…"

"Don't. Please, Hermione, just leave it."

"Harry, you should tell him the truth."

"Why? So, he can mock me? Tell me he loves me? I don't need that Hermione. I just want to go home."

Hermione nodded and stepped back. I stopped her as she started to turn away and go back to her husband. "And don't tell him."

I saw her shoulders tense and then loosen. A nod of her head was the only acknowledgment I got from her. I turned to leave the room and had to pass Draco on my way out. I nodded to him and though his expression did not change he nodded back. I slipped pass him and quickly made my way back to Hogwarts. A quick stop in the kitchens and a small gulp of a stomach calming potion and I was in bed in minutes.

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I do hope you all like this chapter. I had a significant plot bunny that I hope works out well with the story line I had already worked out.

Please check out my bio for important information on upcoming updates.

Sorry…my mother is back in the hospital and I have been there for the last 3 days. I know this is rushed and I apologize in advance. She's in ICU now…an infection has swept through her body and she is too weak to fight it off. Thanks to everyone that was concerned.

ENJOY!

LMG


	4. Chapter 4

Hello Everyone,

I want to thank everyone for all their kind words and thoughts that were sent to me about my mother. I never expected it and it warmed my heart.

Mom passed away on Monday at 8pm. She slowly fell into a coma and her body just gave out.

I am sorry but I am putting everything on hold for right now. I don't know for how long but I had to at least let you all know.

Your well wishes and prayers were welcomed.

Thank you for all your kind words.

She is now at peace and I will forever remember her that way.

LMG


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you to my BETA: Malombra.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co. belong to JKR. I am not JKR. Therefore, Harry Potter and Co. are just here for me to play with. And I do so love to play…

Pairing: Harry/Draco so this is SLASH. No MPREG in this story.

Summary: Harry Potter, the Care of Magical Creatures Professor at Hogwarts', was in love with Draco Malfoy. But he would never tell the man that. What happens when that option was taken away from him?

**MY STORY IS AU.**

ENJOY!

**Care of Magical Creatures**

Chapter Four

After a night of tossing and turning I woke in a depressive mood. I knew it was time to leave. I couldn't stay here, not with him here. I would be the one to leave. It wasn't fair to him.

Sitting at my desk I wrote my resignation to the Headmaster and sent a house-elf to deliver it directly to his hands. Another house-elf was tasked with packing and transporting my belongings to the cottage at the edge of the Forbidden Forrest. Another letter was sent to the Goblins at Gringotts with instructions for rent, food delivery, and other small things. They were the ones who took care of all of my finances and they made excellent Secret Keepers. I made sure the letter stated how they could get in touch with me incase of emergencies.

The last letter was to Hermione and Ron. I hadn't thought that one would be so hard to write but I was wrong, it was ten times harder than anything I had ever done, and I had done so much already. How do you apologize for running away? What do you say that could make it all better? I settled for the truth.

_To my best friends,_

_You both know what you mean to me and this is not goodbye. It will never be goodbye between us. But I have to go. I can't stay here anymore and be able to function. It is not your fault and it is not his either. Do not blame him. It is the way it has to be for now. I will be back. You know how to get in touch with me if needed. I will miss you both. _

_Be well and be safe. I love you. _

_Harry_

I thought leaving would make my burden lighter but it seemed the weight of the Universe was on my shoulders again. I was able to survive and have a productive life before because I had thought I would never see him again and I could handle that. But seeing him just brought back all the longing and loneliness I had felt then and brought it back ten fold. I was folding under the pressure and I knew I would soon break. This was the only way to save my mind. My heart was long gone. Dead.

I didn't want to turn bitter and cold. I didn't want to be like Snape at the end of his life. Bitter and alone. Hating everything and everyone. I refused to be like that. Maybe I would be alone for the rest of my life but I knew that if I didn't leave I would not have a long life.

After sending the letter off I shrunk the trunk down with the last of my belongings and with a last look at the place I had called home for so long I walked out of my room. A swish of my wand had the door locked and warded. I had a feeling I would be back at a later time. How long it took I did not know but I would be back.

I stopped at the edge of the Forbidden Forrest and took a last glance at the lights of Hogwarts, I had always loved that sight. And I was now leaving, voluntarily, sort of I guess.

Did I mention how pathetic I was?

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I got the owl from the Goblins the third day at the cottage. I had been waiting for it as I knew Draco would cure Ron. I had that much faith in a man I only knew in my dreams. A man I had never really talked too and who I had associated thoughts and feelings to that I knew were not his own. The first day at my cottage had been a soul searching experience. I had cried as all my dreams had faded away in the face of reality.

I had thought I knew better than to live in dreams. The Mirror of Erised had taught me that, or so I had thought. I was obviously fooling myself. I had placed so much in the Draco Malfoy I had made up in my head that once I met the real Draco Malfoy, all my walls and dreams had crumbled quickly and painfully.

I truly was pathetic. Who does that? And who lets themselves have a life like that? All those stupid lectures from Hermione that I had only half listened too have come back to bite me in the arse. How stupid could I have been?

One thing that had come out of the last few days was a determination to seek out someone who I could have a life with. Who knows, maybe I could find someone to love as much as I had loved the Draco my mind had made up. The fact that I had thought 'loved' told me that I was well on the way to some form of healing.

Waking on the second week of my time at the cottage I was surprised by how…light I felt. It was time to go see my friends. I knew I would come back here but it was time. I finally felt strong enough in myself to be able to be around other people. I hadn't realized how living alone had made me think that I should be alone. That being alone was the only thing left for me. I planned to spend a few days with my best friends and then a few weeks or months just traveling. I had already contracted with a company, through the Goblins, and I was going to be a Seeker of a different kind.

I was going to seek out animals that were endangered and bring them to a reserve. I got up and said a spell to pack everything I would need on the way to my shower. I couldn't wait to see my friends. For the first time in weeks I had a smile on my face when I looked in a mirror. It was going to be a good day.

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I do hope you all like this chapter. I had a significant plot bunny that I hope works out well with the story line I had already worked out.

Please check out my bio for important information on upcoming updates.

ENJOY!

LMG


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